VALENTINE  RIDDLES

What would you get if you crossed a dog with a valentine card?
A card that says, "I love you drool-ly!"

What did the painter say to her boyfriend?
"I love you with all my art!"

What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?
He gives it a valenshine!

What did the man with the broken leg say to his nurse?
"I've got a crutch on you!"

Did you hear about the romance in the tropical fish tank?
It was a case of guppy love.

What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts!

What do you call a very small valentine?
A valentiny!

What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
Hogs and kisses!

Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?
Sure, they're very scent-imental!

What did the paper clip say to the magnet on Valentine's Day?
"I find you very attractive."

What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's Day?
A hug and a quiche!

What did one pickle say to the other?
"You mean a great dill to me."

Why do valentines have hearts on them?
Because kidneys would look pretty gross!

What did one light bulb say to the other?
"I love you a whole watt!"

What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day?
Ughs and kisses!

What did the bat say to his Valentine?
"You're fun to hang around with."

What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?
"I'm sweet on you!"

What did the elephant say to his Valentine?
"I love you a ton! "

Why did the cannibal break up with his Valentine?
She didn't suit his taste!

PUNS

I bought a love machine, but it's out of ardor.

"Happy Valentine's Day!" said Tom, wholeheartedly (Roger L. Robinson)

His affection for her was more than a passion interest. (Pun of the Day)

Money can't by you love, but it sure makes shopping fun!

I was gong to give my girl one of those heart balloons for
Valentine's Day. But she said she didn't want an angioplasty. (Mike
Wheeler)

GROANERS

My friend wanted to go skiing out west in mid-February, but she had to work late the day she was to leave and almost missed her flight.
She was so happy to get on the plane just as the door was closing and, after all, arrive at the ski slope just in time for the last lift of the day. So she celebrated Vail In Time Day.

"I can't be your valentine for medical reasons."
"Really?"
"Yeah, you make me sick!"

Earlier today, my girl friend was brushing on some stuff onto her eyelashes I never saw her wear before. I asked her if she used it before, and she said that she used it only once a year. I asked her why, She said, "It's my St. Valentine's day mascara."

A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes. "Oh," said the counselor, "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."

OTHER HUMOR

HAPPY TIANE DAY
HAPPY TIENE DAY
HAPPY TIINE DAY
HAPPY TIONE DAY
HAPPY TIUNE DAY
(A vowel in tine greeting from Gary Hallock)

---